As I am sure you are all aware, this month’s Field and Stream features McCain and Obama. We can only hope they shoot each other. (Hey FBI people, totally a joke, no worries.)
But tonight I want to focus on last winters Lilith. For those of you who don’t know “Lilith” is the Jewish, feminist journal. The Asian girl I bought my copy from at Intellectual Property I think was a little confused. Seriously more awkward than buying porn.
I picked up this issue for its feature article (even better than a battle royale of presidential candidates): “Is JDate Good For Jewish Women?” Their answer, a determined yes!
Well not quite, but they fail to enumerate any good JDate does whereas the article focuses on the seven (7) specific bad things. So even though I am a few paragraphs in I haven’t said anything yet. So let me start by saying that reading this article was a pure joy on so many levels. Really, the best way to go about this is a series of quotes and discussions.
“Some women, largely those in their twenties, happily use the sites [e-dating] for casual sex and hook-ups; others - even those in their seventies - go online for cybersex, typing racy exchanges while masturbating in their darkened kitchens.”
“How many times have you heard this exchange? ‘I’ve met someone terrific.’ ‘Great. What does he do?’ I long for the day when the response, instead is ‘What’s he like? How does he treat you? What does the connection feel like?’”
This is actually quite true. I know I am guilty of it AND I think I care about accomplishments of mates a lot less than the average person. If you can be poor and happy, or if you wanna support someone, or be supported by someone, or whatever, you should totally do it. At the end of the day it doesn’t matter. I agree with this sentiment entirely. But you can only change yourself, so call me on it if you see me buying into the standard metric.
“A 42-year-old Jewish man posts his profile on JDate and finds his inbox flooded with 1,000 eligible women. How come the same-age Jewish female logs on to find she’d a wallflower?”
Really? I mean really? Sure maybe there may be some amount of disparity, but this implications for this are huge! Does this mean there is a pool of 42-year-old Jewish woman ass that I have yet to tap into?!
In all seriousness though, this provides the perfect opportunity to dust off the old the social engineering experiments hat. It might be time to buckle down and buy a JDate account to tool around on it like with OKCupid. The thousand-to-zero ratio they give I am sure are more aimed toward Jewish centers like the City, LA, and NYC (damn coastal elites) but I am confident we could get decent results out of Austin as well.
“Our expectations for relationships are so much higher than in the past, but we haven’t built in a mechanism for learning how to get to there.”
This is actually a commentary about the feminist movement in the past 30 years. Talking about that would fill volumes. The point is applicable to the general population though as well. If you really do buy into the standard set of norms and pressures, the bar for both career and relationship expectations has been set very high. While children are taught how to succeed academically and given support system in institutions throughout the entirety of their career, the same is not true emotionally. People are told that *must* be happy and *must* in some sort of relationship with a person who is similarly successful. However no one is ever really taught how to go about doing this or what that means or whether it will actually make them happy. Even people who have these ‘qualities’ seem to me to be incapable of imparting how they got to such a point, assuming they are even aware they have them. The grass is always greener after all.
“…there are a significant number of males who wouldn’t be dating at all if the internet weren’t an option.”
Wow, just wow. They said it so I didn’t have.
All in all the article had some interesting insights and I would *highly* recommend reading it should you ever run across a copy. However, it certainly exists in a personal framework as well.
While I was growing up (5-15 years) I was a bit of a nerd and I was always told something along the lines of “girls will ignore you from high school through college, but if you stick with the science thing, after college you will be more successful and buxom blonds will rain from the heavens.” More or less. You get the gist. As it turns out, for me, THIS WAS A TOTAL LIE.
That this sort of thinking is at least partially wrong is strongly reflected in what the commentary that “Lilith” makes. I connect with them on this one and generally agree, even if the specifics points of contention. (I, for one, think that it is totally cool for grannies to wank it while cybering. In their kosher kitchen or elsewhere.)
Sure my relationship problems aren’t related to trying to shatter glass ceilings for other women. But I was getting a lot more play when being a nerdy was still dumb and not mainstreamed (before the first Lord of the Rings movie). So now, at the time when I would have otherwise been at some sort of sexual peak, I instead have become just another apple on the poser tree.
There is something wrong with both of these situations. Sure it is my fault for buying into what people told me, as it is with these women who prioritized their careers far above their desire to build a relationship. But the kludgy solution of JDate can’t be all bad for all of these women. Or the old ladies. Or the twentysumthins. As for me, my answer lies down a different path…